Bon Appetite

Bon Appetite

This article was published by The Egyptian Gazette on May 30th, 2019 

Who you become in a few years depends on what you consume today.   If you have a healthy diet and a fair amount of exercise, you will end up with a healthy, strong and fit body. If you eat junk food, stay up late and lead a lazy life style, you might probably end up fat, saggy and depressed.  But I am not talking about food only here, I am more concerned about the nutrition you give your mind. The ideas and beliefs you hold are even more crucial in determining your future well-being than the food you consume.   The books you read, the environment you place yourself in and the people you surround yourself with today combine to determine what you become in, say, five years from now. 

What are you feeding your mind today?

The person who you become in the future depends on what you are feeding your mind right now. If you want an amazing life, you must commit yourself to an ever-lasting process of learning and expanding. The easiest and most effective way to do this is reading. Reading expands your consciousness, it takes you to places and times you have not seen and might not probably have the time or the means to see in reality. A good book encapsulates the experiences of a life time of an author and introduces them to you in a nutshell; it provides you with new ideas and these are the vitamins and minerals to your mind; they re-shape it; they keep it healthy and productive and growing all the time.  

Life-enhancing books

What to read, of course, depends on your own preferences and the fields that are of interest to you… However, there are books that are essential for everyone who is after growing and developing their life in any field. I call these life-enhancing books.  The books I start to present today and intend to continue with for the next few weeks are mostly best sellers, which, I believe, is not a guarantee that a book is really good. However, these are books will sustain you through life, nurture you through the daily struggle with your existence and above all, insure a steady growth of your mind to guarantee a bright future.  

Let’s go together on a hopefully joyful journey through some good books.  It is important to say that what I present here is not a book review; it is rather based on my own experiences after reading these books; it is sort of like the fruit that I have gained from them served into your plate in case you wanted to have a taste.  To have the whole rewarding experience, I suggest you read the books yourself and savor them using your own taste buds.

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

This book is a must read; it comes before any other. The book is intended to be a guide for day-to-day living; it emphasizes the importance of living only in the present moment and avoiding thoughts of the past and the future. The past is gone; it cannot be relived or altered and the future is yet to come and we have no control over it; we do not even know if we will live to see it coming. So why bother about the self-inflicted stories of the past or the yet- to- come worries of the future? Makes sense, right?

We go through our lives trapped between these two polarities:  the past and the future, sometimes totally forgetting about the present moment which is actually all the time we do have. We go about our days either thinking about all the things that went wrong in the past and the deadly mistakes we made and keep regretting them or blaming ourselves and others. Regret, blame, and guilt are poisons to our minds; they are futile emotions that lead practically nowhere.   Or we keep obsessing about the future and fearing what might go wrong with it.   We actually never enjoy the moment we are having right now.

Rarely, if not never, do we remind ourselves of the blessings we do have now. Let me take myself as an example here.   Right now I am alive and well; I am active and writing an article, which hopefully will make me feel good about myself and probably will be of some benefit to the readers. What else can I ask for before I am able to enjoy this moment?  Nothing. Why do I have to think about the hard time I had yesterday or the challenge that is awaiting me tomorrow?  Now is enough; got the idea?

 When we concentrate on what we are right now, the blessings we do enjoy, we will not need to worry or fret about the past or the future. To quote the book "Nothing ever happened in the past; it happened in the Now. Nothing will ever happen in the future; it will happen in the Now."   In other words, this moment is all we actually have so let’s make it count by savoring and enjoying it before it is a thing of the past.

This, however, does not mean that the book is a call for in- action or that I am urging you to neglect everything for the sake of this very hot moment.   On the contrary, what we argue for here is that the present moment is the substance of the future and the past.  Before long, writing this article will be a thing of the past. Yesterday, it was a thing of the future and I could have worried I might not be able to submit it on time.  To wrap it up, I quote a few lines from this great book to drive the idea home:

“All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”

I strongly recommend reading this book and wait for you next week for yet another delicious meal to feed your mind. Bon Appetite.

The clock is ticking

The clock is ticking

By Dr Laila Abdel Aal Alghalban

Professor of linguistics & Chairperson of the Department of English

Faculty of Arts

Kafrelsheikh University

How does it feel like when you come to realize that Ramadan is going by so fast and you vehemently struggle to catch its last gifts? 

It was the third Friday in Ramadan. The Quran was being recited in the nearby mosques. The smoldering heat over the previous two days and the weather warnings had fanned the flames of overheating and chained people indoors. " Oh my God," I said to my overwhelmed self.  "Ramadan is going by so fast. How come! It has just begun. The clock is ticking and what can I do to save the day?" 

Resolutions…Resolutions

Do you remember how many times have you made resolutions like learning something, going on a diet, visiting a person or a place, or making significant accomplishments, but things turn sour? 

I'm sure this is always happening to most of us. Sometimes you just give up. Maybe the incentives to achieve them have not been worthwhile for you to pay the necessary physical and mental price. But what if you know that the incentives and rewards for worship in Ramadan and especially the last ten days are beyond our imagination?

A rescue plan

Before the holy month starts, we usually set plans for extensive and devoted worship, hoping to get the maximum gains of this blessed annual occasion. "We gonna, God willing, read the whole Quran several times," we say to ourselves. " We gonna pray a lot both solely and in congregation: day and night, give charity, have more self-control and self-discipline, be fully dedicated to worshipping the Almighty Allah, etc." Time passes day after day after day. Sometimes, we do fairly well and feel so close to Allah. We talk to Him. We ask Him. We tearfully complain to Him. A feeling of powerlessness and worthlessness is hitting us hard. But we deeply realize  that the spiritual link to our Creator, to whom you submit and surrender, empowers us and  keeps us spiritually alive. And sometimes, life problems and affairs kidnap us, steal our time and energy and distract us, making it extremely difficult for us to stay focused and determined enough to go on with our plans.

Excavating the self

Hankering after repentance for year-long sinning and messing up, we try to pull yourself out of minute, distracting issues that consume us and drain our energy. Ramadan is an opportunity to heal our scars, fix our broken, misguided hearts and quench the thirst of our souls for peace and mercy. So, what a gift! For many i'tikaf, which is to stay at a mosque during these days partially or completely until the end of Ramadan, enables them to cut off from the routines of daily life: work, business, shopping, entertainment, intimacy with spouse, etc. that clutter the space in our hearts designed for connecting to Allah. Others try hard to stay home and get the job done, staying up almost the whole nights praying, reading the Qur'an, remembering Allah, and asking Him to forgive their shortcomings.

The night of Al-Qadr

This is the night of decree or power. It means the so majestic, blessed night. Observed in the last days of Ramadan, worship during the night equals worship in one thousand months. This is the real Biggest prize, with the capital b. It is the night in which the Qur'an was revealed. It is the night in which angles come down carrying out orders of Allah, which have to do with everything to happen in the following year, and showering worshippers with Allah's peace and mercy

We relentlessly keep asking Him for favors and blessings beyond limits. We never feel that in so doing we lose face, nor do we grapple with  a sense of embarrassment, disrespect or humiliation. On the contrary, we have a firm belief that He will not turn down our requests and supplications. We have a deeply-rooted conviction that sinning is an intrinsic part of human nature. We are not created angels and our Creator is always there by us forgiving and pouring mercy and gifts. Interestingly, the closer we get to Allah, the more supplications and the more requests we tirelessly make. We never feel that this is face threatening even during our utmost weakness. We stand in front of Him, fully aware that He is the Carer, the Forgiver, the Giver, the Merciful, the Powerful, the One with infinite blessings.

  

No more delay

And as I was writing this  article, relaxing on the couch, I took a small nap, but the iconic song of Sherifa Fadel tamm ilbadr badri ( the moon cycle of Ramadan is complete too soon) was being broadcast. The heart touching song awakened me with more agonizing pain for witnessing the end of Ramadan hastily approaching. But, fortunately an adrenaline rush was instantly released in me. I literally jumped off the couch, full of energy, performed ablution and started praying. I felt that so much precious time has passed and I have a long list of things to do. Charity work I planned to do during the whole year must be put in action now. No more delay. It's time to get more connected to myself,  my family, my neuighbors and my community. It's time to break the chains that have locked me for so long in an endless spiral of heartache that consumes me and displaces me far away from my true comfort zone. The zone where I can stay happy while battling life tests.

It's time to stop writing! You and I, hurry up because the clock is ticking.

Have blessed last ten days of Ramadan!    

أقمار و أهلة ذهبية

يحرص زوجي كل رمضان على تعليق الزينة فى أرجاء المنزل. على مر السنوات تكدست لدينا أنواعها المبتكره: فوانيس صغيره ملونه مزود كل منها بلمبه ضئيله الحجم تتدلى من سلك كهرباء أحمر بديع، أعلام من القماش المزركش برسومات رمضانيه مبهرجه، خيط رفيع من الساتان الارجوانى ثبتت فيه اهله واقمار من الورق المقوى الذهبى والفضو اهدتنى اياه هبه وضاح ضمن مجموعه اخرى من الزينه رمضان الماضى، فوانيس بكل الاشكال والاحجام و لمبات صغيره بالاحمر والاخضر تتناوب الإضاءه فى تكرار محبب . دخلت الى الرسيبشن بعد ان وزعها زوجى وابنى على الحوائط والأركان وحول الشبابيك فانتابتنى دفقه من السعاده لم أعرف لها مثيلا منذ فترة، بهجة حقيقية لا تشوبها شائبة ، أردت مداعبتهم فقلت: كأنى ماشيه فى الحسين!! إيه فرح العمدة اللى انتو عملتوه ده؟! كتير قوى الزينة مش لازم يعنى نستخدمها كلها.

 نعم أحيانا أتقمص دور "المعلم" فى المنزل وأريد ان "أجود" بتشديد الواو.  لم يعيرا كلامي أى اهتمام ، يبدو أنهما أدركا مقصدى أو ربما كانا فى حاله من الابتهاج على انجازهما البديع ... الحمد لله على نعمه الصغيرة و الكبيرة، الحمد لله على أجمل الأشياء وكل الأشياء.

اليوم ٢٠ رمضان الحمد لله تجاوزنا موجة حارة كانت كنفخه من جهنم أردتنى الفراش عدة أيام. أجلس على مقعدى الأثير الوثير حيث ملتقى الهواء بين شباكين يداعب الزينة المتدلية من الأركان فتتمايل فى خيلاء فتاة تعرف أنها جميلة وأن الجميع يرقبون تحركها... الله ... الله ... ايه الجمال ده، ياله من منظر مبهج وبهيج: للحظة خاطفة برقت أقمار ونجوم ذهبيه وفضيه فانعكس ضوؤها على الأعلام الملونه و الحوائط البيضاء. لحظات من المتعه المصفاه يتكثف فيها الجمال، جمال الألوان وضوء العصر مع نسمة الهواء الخفيفة وصوت رخيم فى الخلفيه لشيخ يشدو قائلا “بديع السموات والارض" . الحمد لله على أجمل المتع، الحمد لله على كل شيء. رمضان فعلا كريم والله أكرم، كل عام وانتم بخير.  عبير الجمل

Egyptian Mail, May 7th, 2019

Like parents, like children

By: Dr Laila Abdel Aal Alghalban

Professor of linguistics

Faculty of Arts

Kafrelsheikh University

"That's the nature of being a parent, Sabine has discovered. You'll love your children far more than you ever loved your parents, and -- in the recognition that your own children cannot fathom the depth of your love -- you come to understand the tragic, unrequited love of your own parents." Ursula Hegi

'The road not taken'

 As you grow older and become a parent, you usually want to travel "the road not taken" by your parents as you are not so much in love with their parenting style. Over time, how do you paradoxically end up doing most of the things you used to criticize your parents for when you were a teenager and an adult? How does parenting help us rediscover ourselves, our spouses and  our children? And how does life leave its marks on us in this journey?

Parent -child relationship is by nature the strongest and most special kind of human relationships. It starts strong from  the very early moments till the end of our life and even after death. Typically, most of our life is revolving around our children, putting so much energy, time and money to arm them with the skills needed for a happy life. We fight daily to change them to the best, keep their life on schedule and set examples for them to follow.

Our parents are our greatest teachers

When I was young, I had a problem understanding some of my parents' behaviours, despite our emotionally strong ties and my utmost love and respect for them. My mom was my closest friend. I remember walking in the street with her grumbling as she loved talking to people and used to be very kind to everyone, a truly awesome communicator. That was very stressful for me as I thought, at the time, that one must show more formality and maintain a considerable degree of social distance. " Mom, please don't do that when we are together," I used to tell her annoyingly. Many times she did so even to neighbours during the time when their kids and I were at odds. Surprisingly, I do the same thing; my children have the same remarks and are fed up with what they call "over modesty" and "over kindness". Now I want to say " Sorry, mom. I understand now how wonderful and soothing your words were and that was bringing you the happiness that I have now. And may be after thirty years my children would understand me and show more sympathy and kindness to people."

Other people would say that their parents used to bargain and spend so much time scrolling through the supermarket's products to get the lowest prices and the best offers. That caused a lot of tension as children were not as patient as parents.  Becoming parents, they unconsciously do the same. Others  would report that their parents were too anxious about their education, careers, life skills and were very critical all the time, dissatisfied with their performance. This made them do their best and be who they are now. Now they follow in their parents' footsteps. No one can forget how eager their parents were to push them to have "good friends". Back then we were furious with their interference in our affairs. We also remember  how they  were always  there to pick us when we messed up or when people let us down. I am sure you are doing the same to you children. We also cannot be more thankful to our parents for the lessons we learn from our failures or what is called the "negative examples". 

Speaking similarly

Even our parents' speech is deeply seated in our memories. Their  hilarious and funny catch phrases become part of our language, along with the fashionable ones that enter our verbal repertoire every day. Their speech used to be brimmed with proverbs, well-wishing expressions, religious breaching, bits of advice, telling stories, recalling childhood memories, singing early songs, endearment terms, among others. One survey of the most memorable parental expressions lingering in our minds shows such expressions as "Good manners don't cost anything",  "Worrying is just praying for what you don't want",  "Find the good in everybody", "Don't buy what you can't afford", to cite a few. As we become parents, we are amazed by the gradual creep of such themes and expressions to our parenting discourse. It seemed to me that as we trust our parents most, we internalize their comments, caring deeds and views. Over time, we parent our kids similarly.

A game-changing experience

Parenting  is a game changing experience,  affecting our entire lives. We start a journey of  rediscovering ourselves, our spouses, our parents and our children. After giving birth to my eldest daughter, I told my mom" Now I realize what it means to be a mom. Now I know very well how long you suffered and endured unbearable pains. It's the first time ever I feel you. I now know how dear and valuable  you are to me." As our children grow up we see ourselves in most of what they do and say: the good and bad traits of our personalities. When they procrastinate, when they are sometimes mentally absent, day dreaming. "You'd better backlash them.. you used to be that way," one may think.

Seeing our beloved spouses in our children makes us better understand them. We are no longer critical of some of our spouses' traits or habits. We'd better accommodate them and look at the awesome things our spouses pass to our kids. We definitely find in our kids stunning things form our parents, siblings and in-laws. Being an "old" parent has impacted my career as well.  " Right, sweethearts,"  "You got it, sons and daughters," I said to my students in one of my lectures on language change. " By the way, I never spoke that way just a couple of years ago, this is also an example of language change," I  laughingly commented.

Thus, in everything we do, resonates our parents' deeply rooted legacy, guiding us all the way through. Let us say thank you for being our best teachers. Their caring deeds, inspirational stories, kindness, selflessness, compassion, contentment,  among many other things have made us develop the best version of us.

  

Egyptian Gazette, May 2nd , 2019

Tend to Your Garden

What would you call a person who plants onions and expects to reap apples? Crazy maybe? Or at best an idiot, Right?

Can a cactus tree possibly produce watermelons?  Of course, it is impossible. 

Unknowingly, we go around our daily lives assuming the above “crazy” or “impossible” attitudes without evening noticing it.   We plant seeds of negativity, lack, and intolerance in our own minds every day and expect them to germinate happiness, abundance, success, and love.

I hear you saying, “mind you… I don’t plant anything, I don’t even have a garden…what are you talking about?”

Well, I am talking about the garden of our existence, our minds.  But before we proceed, we need to make a distinction between brain and mind.

Brain or mind?

The brain is that magical soft matter that resides inside your skull. It is the diamond of your existence and the one organ that operates the rest of your wondrous human body, orchestrates the way your perfect organs complement one another and steers you through your life. The mind, on the other hand, is much more than the physical entity of the brain with its right and left hemispheres- though it is sometimes confused with it.  The mind is part of the invisible, transcendent world of thought, feeling, attitude, belief, and imagination. The brain is the physical organ most associated with mind and consciousness, but the mind is not confined to the brain. The intelligence of your mind permeates every cell of your body, not just brain cells.

Metaphorically, the mind is divided into three parts:  conscious, subconscious, and unconscious. The concept of three levels of mind is nothing new; Sigmund Freud, the famous Austrian psychologist was probably the first to popularize it into mainstream society as we know it today.  To drive our idea home, we are going to simplify things a little bit here: the mind is like a huge iceberg where only a fraction of it is showing above the water. This part constitutes the conscious mind which is less than 10 percent of the mind while the sub and unconscious minds constitute the remaining invisible 90 percent under the water.

The conscious mind is the thinking mind; it is responsible for logic, numbers, planning, creativity, language and how you deal with the world.  The rest of the mind serves as the storeroom of your emotions and beliefs; it keeps all your experiences, every word you have ever heard, every sight you have seen even the ones you have forgotten intact. Out of these long-forgotten experiences, your sub and unconscious mind wire your conscious mind to react to the outside world.  It is also the orchestrator of all your bodily functions; it controls your breath, heartbeats, blood pressure and how your internal organs go about their miraculous daily jobs without fail 24 hours a day to the last day of our lives.  See how powerful the unconscious mind is?

Plant the Right Seeds

To go back to the analogy of the garden above, the unconscious mind, which is like the deep dark bottom of the ocean, is the fertile soil that is always ready for sowing. Thoughts and experiences are the seeds you plant inside it.  Actions are the water you use to help it grow and the sun is your feelings about your produce.  Your unconscious mind goes about its non-stop process of sow and reap every single moment of your life; it registers every thought and move you make, it stores your choice of programming.  In the garden of the unconscious mind, as in any soil, weeds tend to sprout up automatically from time to time.  Weeds are the negative thoughts of failure and doubt, of hate and intolerance. Since we live in a world that is obsessed with drama, we tend to pick up on this vibration.  We are unconsciously influenced by media which plays a huge role in negatively programming our minds.  If we are not selective of what we watch, read and the people we associate with, we become passive prey of all that is negative; we encourage weeds to grow and spread.

Life is a Game of Boomerangs

The soil does not care what you sow; if you plant flower seeds , you get flowers, you plant cactus seeds, you reap cactus.  Likewise, you cannot dwell on thoughts of failure and produce success. If you are selective of what you cultivate in your mind, it will never fail you.  You are the one who decides what kind of seeds you place in the soil of your garden and therefore, you are responsible for the end result: the fruits you reap.  Whatever you plant in the garden of your mind, you will eventually reap.    Life itself is constant reaping and sowing; what you give, you receive; the energy you get out, will come back to you; what you do to others, will be done to you.  The game of life is the game of boomerangs; thoughts and deeds come back full circle to you with astounding accuracy.