Driving Mother Crazy
This memoir was published in The Egyptian Gazette, April 4th, 2019 page 3
Dr. Abeer Mostafa Elgamal
Driving Mother Crazy
"Watch out, Mummy! Watch out for the
mirror," Farida screamed. A smashing sound deafened my ears as I woke up
terrified but grateful that it was only a dream. I felt like a small, helpless rabbit
hunted by a vicious wolf, intent on biting off the creature's left ear before
devouring her.
I did not know how much I hated driving until I had that dream. Driving through Cairo traffic is a nightmare, a circus in which you perform without training. I spend half my days driving my twin teenagers to private lessons, tennis coaching, and outings with friends. Driving not only strains my back and neck, due to the hours spent sitting in the car in streets like clogged arteries, but it sucks all my energy, shatters my nerves and raids my dreams.
A woman driving in a male-oriented society triggers all kinds of reactions that men would repress in other situations. Whether they admit it or not, most men believe women should stay home to make kofta or mahshy[1] and leave the outside world to them. Men express their innermost feelings in mAdhamcious forms toward women drivers who get the lion's share of blame and ridicule.
I did not know how much I hated driving until I had that dream. Driving through Cairo traffic is a nightmare, a circus in which you perform without training. I spend half my days driving my twin teenagers to private lessons, tennis coaching, and outings with friends. Driving not only strains my back and neck, due to the hours spent sitting in the car in streets like clogged arteries, but it sucks all my energy, shatters my nerves and raids my dreams.
A woman driving in a male-oriented society triggers all kinds of reactions that men would repress in other situations. Whether they admit it or not, most men believe women should stay home to make kofta or mahshy[1] and leave the outside world to them. Men express their innermost feelings in mAdhamcious forms toward women drivers who get the lion's share of blame and ridicule.
In my dream, I was driving the twins as
usual, but we were heading to two different places simultaneously. I kept
driving back and forth on the same road, Tareek al-Nasr, never reaching either
destination. One moment I went toward al-Mokatam, where they were supposed to
have a private lesson, and the next I was heading in the opposite direction
leading to Al-Ahly club, Nasr City. When I drove toward the club, they shouted,
"Faster mummy, go faster, we'll be late for training." But when I
went in the other direction, they were kind enough to support my lame driving,
saying, "Take your time, mummy; the teacher is never on time."
Usually, Farida is never silent on our drives; she bugs me about one thing or another interrupting my desperate attempts to focus on the road. She is continuously planning some event or other: a surprise birthday party for a friend, an outing to the mall, a paintball battle or a sand-boarding day. She is practical and clever enough to figure out that the best time to discuss the details of any of her projects is when we are stuck in the mandatory prison which is our battered, shark-faced Lancer.
Usually, Farida is never silent on our drives; she bugs me about one thing or another interrupting my desperate attempts to focus on the road. She is continuously planning some event or other: a surprise birthday party for a friend, an outing to the mall, a paintball battle or a sand-boarding day. She is practical and clever enough to figure out that the best time to discuss the details of any of her projects is when we are stuck in the mandatory prison which is our battered, shark-faced Lancer.
The other day Farida declared, "Mummy, we have to be there before five. It's the deadline for onsite registration."
"There, where?" I asked foolishly, as I maneuvered to avoid a sure attack from a minibus aimed at the left mirror.
"Mummy, don't you ever listen to me?"
"Sweetie, I do all the time. Is it tomorrow?"
"Nooo, it's on Friday in the tennis colony."
"And where is this 'colony'?" I endeavored to sound patient looking quickly at Adham through the front mirror, hoping he objects to Farida's plan, but he was immersed in his online chat as usual.
"It's on Ismailia Road," she said.
I flinched at the thought of driving amidst the wildest trucks on that road.
"We don’t have to participate in every
tournament; let's restrict ourselves to the ones in the city. What do you
think, Adham?" I tried to enlist his help.
"Eh? What did you say, mum?" he inquired in his absent-minded way.
"You are being a zombie again! I asked if that tennis tournament is really important." I was starting to get really nervous.
"I don't want to go." He said in that casual manner that always irritates me.
I was happy to get his support but angry that he was letting his sister down as he always did when she needed him most. I promised Farida I would think about it.
Ever since they were in kindergarten, Adham and Farida did everything together. He wanted things just as much as she did but he let her do the work and fight the battle for both of them. He played the king and she was the minister who carried out his plans. To me, it was neither fun nor fair. In kindergarten, she carried both her own and his school bags to the gate where I waited for them. He often ran to give me a hug while she trudged behind with the bags and it made me crazy that she did it voluntarily and he took it as his lawful right. Every time I intervened to prevent his early male dominance and female submission, I regretted it because both of them have accepted their roles without hard feelings. My husband believed I worried too much. "Honey, why do you always go against the tide? Just leave them alone to manage their own business," he wrapped the whole matter up in his usual cool manner that left me speechless.
And I tried to leave them alone until they went too far when they were ten and I had to intervene. They were doing their finals when Adham gave Farida his exam sheet to answer for him before she did her own. It was not the act of cheating that drove me crazy; but rather Farida's self-denial at such an early stage of her life.
"That's it! I can't leave the twins alone anymore and you have to help me fix their relationship," I told my husband angrily that day. With this in mind, I decided I would not drive to the tennis colony on Friday. I would take the day off.
"Eh? What did you say, mum?" he inquired in his absent-minded way.
"You are being a zombie again! I asked if that tennis tournament is really important." I was starting to get really nervous.
"I don't want to go." He said in that casual manner that always irritates me.
I was happy to get his support but angry that he was letting his sister down as he always did when she needed him most. I promised Farida I would think about it.
Ever since they were in kindergarten, Adham and Farida did everything together. He wanted things just as much as she did but he let her do the work and fight the battle for both of them. He played the king and she was the minister who carried out his plans. To me, it was neither fun nor fair. In kindergarten, she carried both her own and his school bags to the gate where I waited for them. He often ran to give me a hug while she trudged behind with the bags and it made me crazy that she did it voluntarily and he took it as his lawful right. Every time I intervened to prevent his early male dominance and female submission, I regretted it because both of them have accepted their roles without hard feelings. My husband believed I worried too much. "Honey, why do you always go against the tide? Just leave them alone to manage their own business," he wrapped the whole matter up in his usual cool manner that left me speechless.
And I tried to leave them alone until they went too far when they were ten and I had to intervene. They were doing their finals when Adham gave Farida his exam sheet to answer for him before she did her own. It was not the act of cheating that drove me crazy; but rather Farida's self-denial at such an early stage of her life.
"That's it! I can't leave the twins alone anymore and you have to help me fix their relationship," I told my husband angrily that day. With this in mind, I decided I would not drive to the tennis colony on Friday. I would take the day off.
"Dad will drive you and spend the whole day with you," I broke the news to them.
I had delegated the chore to my dear
husband. Let him swim against the tide for once.
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