I wish for this person to be happy!
By Dr Laila Abdel Aal Alghalban
Professor of linguistics & Chair of the Department of
English
Faculty of Arts
Kafrelsheikh University
As you are walking around, each time you see someone think to yourself
"I wish for this person to be happy!" This magic sentence proves to
grant you more happiness, according to a new study conducted at Iowa State
University*.
In pursuit of happiness
Seeking happiness in every possible way is an eternal
human goal. Various philosophies and practices around the world have long been
chasing it. Some people find happiness in volunteering, giving, caring,
empathy, doing outdoor activities, meditation, compassion, noticing a good
moment, or even relaxation. Sometimes they get happiness from temporary sadness
like remembering our loved ones and
being nostalgic for the happy past.
This study finds an easy way to happiness: just wish
people well.
Three groups of students were instructed to walk around
and try one of three contemplative techniques every time they encounter
someone: wishing others well,
identifying connections with others, or thinking about ways in which
they may be better off than others ( downward social comparison). The purpose
of the study was to see the impact of such strategies on one's happiness. How
can the results of this study encourage us to guard our hearts, wash away our
stress and nurture our happiness?
Wishing others well is miraculous
Regardless of your personality type whether you are
narcissist or modest, wishing others well
proves to grant you more happiness and empathy, decrease anxiety and
depression, and boost your sense of connection with others. It is the most
precious gift for ourselves. When we wish others well, we simultaneously wish
ourselves well. Being empathetic to others and respecting their human
weaknesses put out the flames of hatred,
intolerance and selfishness that sometimes occupy our chests. Studies show that
selfishness might give some temporary happiness which fades away, leaving more hunger
and ingratitude. Selfishness is also the catalyst for the heart ailments that
make us unable to embrace our destiny. Wishing others well would clean our
hearts, shake off the traces of ingratitude or envy and revive our complete
submission to the Almighty.
Other research on happiness shows that giving, in all its
forms, from giving charities to just smiling to others, is a key cause of
happiness. You might remember how happy you were the last time you helped
someone or spared them a hard time wrestling with a problem. So to be happy,
wish others well, a principle encouraged by all faiths, too.
Explore your strengths, rather than compete
On the other hand,
the students who focussed on downward social comparison and the ways they could
be better off the people they met were not happy at all. The competitive mood
they developed stole happiness. It is true that competition is sometimes useful
as it helps us learn, polish our skills, deepen our experience and accomplish our goals and tasks, but the toxic
focus on appearances like the way people look, the cars they drive, their
status, their money, their careers, etc. poisons our life and fuels envy, hate,
ingratitude, fear, worry, anger, among many other negative emotions. Comparison
is a trap we should not fall into. Neither do we consider it a daily war we
have to wage and win at all costs. So, let's always remember that those we envy
are not happy either as they, in turn, are busy with daunting comparisons with
other people and so on, vicious circles of destructive comparison. However, we
have to admit that battling comparison is a very tough task. According to Charles Horton Cooley's social psychological
theory of looking-glass self, our self is constructed by society's
interpersonal interactions and how others perceive us. Therefore, we need some
self-emancipation from being defined in relation to how others see us and how
we see others. One way is to focus on our strengths and self-discovery,
investing our time and energy on self- nurturing and self- improvement.
Give it a go
Let's learn to wish happiness even to those who hate us
or do not deserve it because they are really our greatest teachers in life. We should be
grateful for learning from their mistakes and bad deeds. At the end of the day,
they are humans and may need us to embrace their flaws rather than hate them
back. We'd better resist our egos and do
ourselves a favor by wishing them well.
Finally, the next
time you see someone while walking around, waiting in a queue, sitting in a cafe,
getting stuck in traffic, or taking the lift, think faithfully to yourself
" I wish for this person to be happy."
And as I see you right now with my heart, l really say it
loudly " I wish you all the happiness in the world."
*Gentile, D.A., Sweet, D.M.&He, L. J Happiness Stud
(2019). https: //doi.org/10.1007/s10902-019-00100-2
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